


Wawanakwa Book Club

by CactusPot



Category: Total Drama
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-04-07 16:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14085204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactusPot/pseuds/CactusPot
Summary: When Gwen realizes she has no one with whom to discuss her favorite horror novels, she joins the school book club. Instead of finding fellow horror enthusiasts, she finds a nerd, a geek, and a Zeke.She should've backed out then and there. But instead, Gwen perseveres, and the book club goes from lame to totally insane.





	1. Pet Semetary

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have not read Pet Semetary, but I googled the synopsis when writing this chapter. WTF Stephen King.

As fourth period came to a close, Leshawna leaned across the aisle.

“You’re playing Cards Against Humanity with us at lunch, right?” she asked, resting her arm on Gwen’s desk.

Gwen shook her head apologetically. “I’m going to the book club.”

“Book club?” Leshawna’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t know this crummy high school _had_ a book club.”

“Me neither, that’s why I’m going,” Gwen explained. She pulled a book out of her backpack, and handed it to Leshawna. “I want to find someone who likes Stephen King as much as I do. It’s been driving me crazy not having anyone to talk to about this book!”

“‘Pet Semetary?’” Leshawna read off the front cover. “Yeah, I’ll pass on this one. Have fun at book club, girl.”

“It’s either gonna be a bunch of literature snobs or friendless nerds,” Gwen admitted, taking the book back. She didn’t bother stowing it away, and instead left the horror novel exposed on her desk. “I don’t have high hopes, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Well if it sucks, just come back to the cafeteria. Courtney’s bringing an expansion pack today,” Leshawna said.

The bell rang, heralding the start of the lunch period. Gwen slid her backpack over one shoulder and headed out of the classroom to the library.

The Wawanakwa High School library wasn’t one of the school’s high points. Admittedly, it shelved a large collection of novels, but they went unnoticed by students who preferred to actually eat during lunch. The last time Gwen had visited the library was to print out an assignment two hours before she was to turn it in. It had been a futile venture, considering the printer sputtered out two sentences worth of ink before dying. She had gotten a B on the assignment.

Gwen stalked in and stopped at the librarian’s desk. The resident librarian was Mr. Wayne, an old geezer who was bound to croak any day.

“Where does the book club meet?” she asked him, only as polite as necessary.

“In the natural science section.” Mr. Wayne raised a shaky hand and pointed out the place.

“Cool. Thanks.” Gwen offered him a tight-lipped smile. _Pet Semetary_ clutched close to her chest, Gwen walked over to the 500-599 Dewey Decimal shelves. Immediately, she pursed her lips. Her low hopes for the book club were only confirmed by whom she was greeted.

Noah, from 8th period psychics, was sitting at the head of the tale. Sarcastic and snarky, Gwen might’ve been friends with him if he wasn’t such a self-assured prick. Noah sported a Wawanakwa High hoodie and was already two chapters into his book.

On Noah’s left was Beth, the awkward girl who had transferred to WHS junior year. Gwen had no classes with her, but Bridgette did. Bridgette insisted that while Beth was nice, the spit from her retainer was just plain gross. Beth had a stack of books in front of her, all with glossy pastel spines.

And then there was Ezekiel. The _legendary_ Ezekiel. Former-homeschool had made a name for himself for being a short misogynistic imbecile. Gwen thanked God every night that she didn’t have any classes with Zeke. The book in front of him was _Animal Farm_ , though Gwen assumed Zeke picked it for the title, not the plot.

“Hey!” Beth beamed, folding and unfolding her hands in excitement. “You’re Gwen, right?”

“That would be me.” Gwen frowned. _Too late to back out now._ “Is this the book club?”

“Pretty bright, aren’t you?” Noah drawled, not looking up from his book. “I guess that’s why you have a B in psychics.”

“How do you know that?” Gwen glared at him.

Noah shrugged, finally giving her a passing glance. “Hacked into the grade system once. Just because I was bored.”

Gwen huffed and sat down opposite Beth. “Whatever. I’m joining book club.”

“Nice, another girl, eh?” Ezekiel grinned toothily at her. “And this time, she’s pretty.”

Gwen glared at him. Under the table, she swiftly kicked him in the shin.

“Ow!” Ezekiel cried, immediately ducking down to grab his injured leg. He hit his chin on the table and fell over.

Noah laughed sadistically. “You good over there, Chicken Scratch?”

“That’s not very nice!” Beth protested.

“Zeke’s not very nice,” Gwen countered at the same time Noah said, “Homeschool’s not a nice guy.” They exchanged a smirk.

“He’s here to read literature and educate himself!” Beth lisped over ‘educate’, and a droplet of spit landed on Gwen’s side of the table.

“Why do you know that?” Gwen grumbled, keenly aware of the spit spot in her peripheral vision.

“Our parents trade produce with each other,” Beth admitted. “That’s why Ezekiel’s parents made him join book club with me.”

By now, Ezekiel had righted his chair and was sitting back down. He adjusted his wool hat. “Yeah, and thanks a lot for it, Beth!”

“My pleasure,” Beth said pleasantly.

The table fell silent for a moment. Then Beth queried, “So why’d you decide to join our little club, Gwen?”

Gwen held up _Pet Semetary_. “Mainly, I wanted someone to talk to about horror novels. They’re my favorites, and no one in my friend group is into Stephen King like I am.”

Noah snorted. “Stephen King? Juvenile. Why don’t you try _The Haunting of Hill House_?”

Gwen deflated. “So you haven’t read _Pet Semetary_?”

“Of course I have.” Noah dramatically snapped his book shut. “I’d be happy to discuss its basic plot with you. Very cliche.”

“You’re just saying that to act smarter than me.” Gwen rolled her eyes. She flipped open to the page where she had stopped reading, page 168. “What about-”

“Lost interest.” Noah picked up his book and resumed reading. His dark eyes flicked over paragraphs in seconds.

Ezekiel sniffed. “So how many dogs died in the book?”

Gwen looked from Ezekiel to her book and back again. “It’s more of a cat book, actually.”

“Wanna see what I’m reading?” Beth asked. She held up her book, _Turtles All The Way Down_.

“John Green?” Gwen scrunched her nose. “Good writing, awful plots.”

“I think his books are _so_ romantic!” Beth gushed. She pulled a bag of Doritos out of her drawstring backpack.

“ _Stop_!” Noah whisper-yelled before she had a chance to open them. “Don’t you remember last time?”

“Last time?” Gwen and Ezekiel asked in unison, Gwen because she hadn’t been present, and Ezekiel because he had forgotten.

“Last time we had food in the library, Owen got himself thrown out,” Noah explained sourly.

“Oh yeah!” Beth sheepishly returned the Doritos to her bag. “The _Grapes of Wrath_ incident.”

“Only reason I didn’t quit right there is because I’m president of the club,” Noah muttered.

“Alright, then.” Gwen shifted in her seat. _Pet Semetary_ stared at her, awaiting recognition. “So, do you guys have a weekly book to talk about?”

“We’re supposed to,” Beth explained. She glanced over at Noah. “Noah doesn’t assign much, though.”

“Not true,” Noah corrected her. “I assigned _War and Peace_. It’s not my fault you two couldn’t finish reading it.”

Gwen snorted. “ _War and Peace_? Classy.”

Ezekiel was examining a booger on his finger. “Can I pick a book?”

“Sure,” Noah said monotonously.

“ _Twilight,_ ” Ezekiel said immediately, wiping the booger on his ratty jeans.

“No!” Beth, Noah, and Gwen all chorused in unison.

“Not again,” Gwen whispered, remembering the waste of her middle school years.

That seemed to be the end of the conversation. Noah, Beth, and Gwen all began reading their books silently. The only sound was Ezekiel attempting to sound out words, a distraction Gwen eventually tuned out.

Gwen had just finished another chapter when the bell rang. Lunch was over.

“See you guys next week!” Beth said cheerfully.

“Yeah, next week,” Gwen said unenthusiastically, positive she wouldn’t be returning to the library for a while. Gwen slung her black backpack over her shoulder and left the library.

Later, during eighth period, Gwen passed by Noah’s desk on her way to the back. She still held _Pet Semetary_ instead of carrying it in her backpack.

“So what did you _really_ think of _Pet Semetary_?” she asked.

Noah, unenthused as ever, met her curious gaze. “To be honest, I’m not a fan of horror novels. You might wanna ask Duncan for his opinion on that one” -he nodded at _Pet Semetary_ \- “if you want a raving review. That is, if that neanderthal can read.”

Gwen glared at him. “Whatever.” She stalked to the back of the classroom and sat down in her usual seat.


	2. Law School Confidential

“Courtney, you have got to come to book club with me.” Gwen grabbed Courtney’s elbow, not pausing to greet her.

“What? It’s too early for this, Gwen, I haven’t even had a coffee.” Courtney gently pried Gwen’s hand off her arm.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to book club ever again,” Bridgette said from the other side of Courtney.

Courtney, Bridgette, Leshawna, and Gwen stood just outside Wawanakwa High, waiting for the school day to begin. Today was no different than any other day, except for the fact that Harold was standing around, attempting to romance Leshawna, and Gwen’s chosen topic of conversation was book club.

“Last week was awful,” Gwen admitted, pushing a strand of teal hair back behind her ear. “But today when I was getting out of my car, Mr. Wayne walked by and told me he was excited that the book club had another member, and that he couldn’t wait to see me at the meeting today.”

“So you agreed to come back?” Courtney shook her head. “It’s so unlike you to be a doormat, Gwen.”

“I couldn’t help it!” Gwen said, throwing her arms in the air dramatically. “He reminded me of my grandpa!”

“You were close with your grandparents, weren’t you?” Bridgette said, nodding sympathetically. “Harsh.”

“Okay, but why do you want _me_ to go with you to book club?” Courtney asked, folding her arms.

“Book club?” Harold perked up. “I happen to know a thing or two about books. Where do we meet?”

“She wasn’t _talking_ to you, Harold,” Courtney growled.

“Because,” Gwen answered, ignoring Harold’s input, “out of all my friends, you’re the one most into books.”

“She has a point,” Leshawna said, gently pushing Harold away. “There’s no way I’m giving up a lunch period to sit in a musty library with Ezekiel.”

“Ugh, _Ezekiel_.” Bridgette shuddered.

Seeing she was outnumbered, Courtney sighed. “ _Fine_. I’ll come to book club.”

“Awesome!” Gwen cheered. She remembered she was goth, and the cheering dissolved into coughing.

“I can bring any book I want, right?” Courtney asked.

“Any books,” Gwen confirmed. She gestured to her backpack. “I finished _Pet Semetary_ last week, but I haven’t found anything new. So if you have any suggestions-”

“Oh, I have suggestions aplenty!” Courtney beamed.

“Hello, book club!” Courtney smiled genially as she slid into the seat next to Gwen.

“Hi, Courtney!” Beth said, waving from across the table.

Noah eyed Courtney warily, then directed his attention at Gwen. “I’m surprised you came back at all, but inviting Courtney? Seriously?”

“Oh don’t worry, Noah,” Courtney said, shushing him with a wave of her hand. “I’m just here to make some much needed changes to your little meetings. For one, we’ll have weekly books to read and discuss together.”

“I guess you have your first book picked out already, Type A,” Noah said dryly. He set his own book aside and leaned in, intent on Courtney’s answer.

“Of course!” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that _obvious_? Before I reveal my pick, I’ll let you know I’m going to implement a sticker system to motivate you guys to read! Every time you give a relevant contribution to the discussion, you’ll get a sticker.” She pulled out a sheet of stickers.

“Rainbows, unicorns, and smiley faces?” Ezekiel asked, scratching his head.

“So cute!” Beth squealed. “Can I have some extras for Lindsay and me to use?”

“It’s the best I could do on short notice,” Courtney apologized. “And now, for the big reveal. This week’s book is… _Law School Confidential: A Complete Guide to the Law School Experience: By Students, for Students_ , by Robert H. Miller.”

For a moment, no one moved. All eyes were on the book. And then:

“Nope, I’m done.” Noah got up and walked away.

“But you’re the president!” Beth protested.

“Don’t care!” Noah hollered before he exited the library.

“Courtney,” Gwen said slowly, looking up from the book to her friend, “when I invited you to the book club, I didn’t mean completely reinvent the club.”

Courtney shrugged. “Noah leaving is irrelevant. As you all know, I have CIT experience, so I nominate myself to be the new president of the book club.”

“Actually,” Ezekiel piped up, “Beth was the vice-president.”

“Aw, you remembered!” Beth smiled. “So I guess that makes me president, now?”

“Oh. Okay.” Courtney’s eye twitched, but she made no further objections. “What’s first on the agenda, Beth? Or do you even _have_ agenda?”

“Courtney,” Gwen whispered in a low voice. Her message was clear: _It’s not a big deal_.

“Well, I always thought maybe we could make our own custom bookmarks,” Beth suggested. “Inspired by our favorite books!”

“Bookmarks?” Courtney frowned. “No offense, Beth, but that’s _middle-school_ stuff.”

“So are your stickers.” Gwen coughed.

Courtney ignored her friend’s snicker. “What about my assigned reading?’

Beth scratched her head. “Maybe we can do another book? I’m not really into law. We should pick out a fiction book so everyone’s entertained.”

“What are you talking about? Law is _so_ entertaining! Back me up here, Gwen!” Courtney reverently held _Law School Confidential_ like it was the Bible.

“Sorry, Court, I’m with Beth. You can read _Law School_ whatever in your free time.” Gwen patted Courtney’s shoulder.

Courtney seethed. “I don’t have free time! I’m running for reelection student body president, I’m taking an outside psych class, and I’m writing my college application essays! And that’s just this week!”

“You need to chill, eh?” Ezekiel leaned back in his chair. “Just be one with nature, right? I do it all the time when my farm chores get too much to handle.”

Gwen and Courtney rolled their eyes. Suddenly, all four kids became aware of a fifth presence at their table. Courtney was hyper-aware, considering the presence was breathing down her neck.

“Agh! Harold!” Courtney whipped around to find the source of the heavy breathing. “Go away! You’re not welcome here!”

“I brought books,” Harold said plainly.

“Beth, make him leave!” Courtney complained.

“The book club is inclusive to all students,” Beth said. She smiled warmly at Harold. “Come sit down! Noah just left, and we can always use new members.”

“Ugh.” Courtney folded her arms crossly.

“ _Arigato_ , Beth.” Harold seated himself at the head of the table.

“What books did you bring?” Gwen asked. “Anything good? I’m looking for blood and guts, but it’s not a requirement.”

“Are you in the mood for comics?” Harold whipped out a dozen flimsy books. “My favorite is _Nelvana of the Northern Lights_ , but you can borrow it if you’d like to read it.”

“Harold, it’s not _that_ kind of book club!” Courtney said crossly.

“I want it!” Ezekiel volunteered. Harold nodded sagely and slid the comic across the table.

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Gwen drummed her fingers on the table.

“Well _I’m_ going to read _Law School Confidential_. I have an extra copy if you’d like to join me, Gwen.” Courtney reached into her backpack and produced the aforementioned copy.

Gwen shook her head. “No thanks, Courtney.”

“Harold do you have anything I would like?” Beth asked curiously.

“I do have the first two manga in the Sailor Moon series,” Harold said. He got out the books and handed them to Beth. “I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.”

“Thanks,” Beth gushed. She opened the left cover and started to read. “Hey, Harold? What’s going on? The panels don’t make any sense.”

“Manga, the Japanese art of cartooning dating back to the 12th century, is always read right-to-left. In contrast from Western comics, which read left-to-right.” Harold inhaled. “Start on the other side, Beth.”

“Oh, okay.” Beth flipped the book over and opened the right cover. After a few moments, she looked up. “This is much better.”

“Of course.” A self-satisfied grin spread over Harold’s freckled face.

Gwen sighed and buried her head in her arms. The bell couldn’t ring quickly enough.


	3. Sailor Moon

“As president of the book club, I hereby call this meeting to order!” Beth banged her imaginary gavel on the table. Today she was wearing an oversized Wawanakwa High hoodie, which turned her frame into a sack of potatoes.

“Well, I hope you all had fun with your picture books,” Courtney said disdainfully. “I finished _Law School Confidential_ and let me just say, it was an eye-opening experience.”

Gwen raised her hand meekly. “I started reading the Lunar Chronicles. I highly recommend it, even if it's not horror.”

“I liked the comic you gave me,” Ezekiel told Harold. “The pictures were pretty nice, eh.”

“Cool,” said Harold. He took the comic back from Ezekiel.

“Guys!” Beth clapped her hands, and the other four kids turned to look at her. “I have a special surprise for you guys.”

“What is it?” Gwen asked unenthusiastically.

“Stickers?” Courtney suggested.

“Nope!” Beth giggled. Her glittery pink backpack sat in her lap, waiting to be opened. “Harold gave me Sailor Moon to read last week. I loved it _so_ much, I decided we should… cosplay!” Beth pulled out five sets of sailor moon costumes.

“Uh uh, no way.” Gwen shook her head wildly. A look of apprehension also filled Ezekiel’s face.

“I am willing to join your cosplay,” Harold said theatrically. “Which sailor scout am I?”

“You’re Sailor Mercury, because of how good you are with technology,” Beth explained. She handed Harold a blue and white outfit.

“Courtney, you are Sailor Venus,” Beth said, passing Courtney a white and orange outfit. “You’re a natural leader, just like Sailor Venus leads the inner Sailor Senshi. Your attacks are based around love, light, and metal.”

Courtney, who had looked dismayed since Beth’s original announcement, softened under the flattery. “This doesn’t look too bad.

Beth picked up a third sailor scout uniform, this one white with red and violet additions. “Sailor Mars deals with fire, psychic power, and spiritual power. Gwen gets to cosplay as her because of her fiery temper.”

“I do not have a temper,” Gwen muttered as Beth tossed her the uniform. It landed on her head and slid onto her lap.

“Remember that time you left red ants in Heather’s backpack?” Courtney reminded her, holding her sailor outfit up.

“That wasn’t a temper, that was just rational revenge,” Gwen clarified. “Fine, I’ll wear it.”

Ezekiel had slouched low in his seat, but Beth hadn’t forgotten him. “Sailor Jupiter will be worn by Zeke! Mainly because he looks the best in green.”

“What about you?” Courtney asked, “Who will you be?”

“Sailor Moon,” said Harold. “You could’ve figured that out via process of elimination. Gosh.”

While Courtney rolled her eyes at Harold’s retort, Beth beamed. “Yep! I’m Sailor Moon!” She wriggled out of her hoodie to reveal her sailor outfit underneath. She leapt onto the table and waved a copy of _Sailor Moon_ in her hand.

“Wow. I mean wow.” Gwen gripped her own outfit closer to her chest. _Is it too late to back out now?_

“Fellow sailors!” Beth declared, spitting a little. “We are gathered here to save the universe! How, you might ask? Through the power of literature!”

“Manga is not literature,” Courtney hissed. Gwen smirked.

“Ah yeah!” Beth’s speech set something alight in Ezekiel, who was already changed into his Sailor Jupiter outfit. “We’re gonna defeat bad guys!”

Harold peeled off his shirt and slithered into his Sailor Mercury outfit. “Sick.” He fist pumped, then stared expectantly at Courtney and Gwen.

“What are you looking at?” Gwen snapped crossly.

“Oh come on, Gwen, just put it on!” Miraculously, Courtney managed to pull on the outfit over her usual clothing. “I know you might not be _leadership material_ , but every CIT needs campers!”

“Sharp metaphor.” Gwen reluctantly slipped the sailor skirt over her usual skirt.

Beth’s smile was so bright it could melt even the coldest of hearts. “Aw, you guys look so incredible!”

“I do?” Courtney beamed at the compliment. Even Gwen cracked a tiny smile.

Mr. Wayne the librarian strolled over. “Beth, please get off the table, please,”  he wheezed.

“Oops! Sorry.” Beth climbed down. “Hey, Mr. Wayne, could you take a picture of the five of us in our outfits?”

“Of course.” Mr. Wayne’s face crinkled into a smile. “I’m so glad to see that this club is having fun.”

“Yay!” Beth handed Mr. Wayne her phone and rejoined the group. Gwen stood in the middle, flanked by Harold and Courtney. Ezekiel and Beth kneeled in front of them, Beth flashing a peace sign.

“Smile everybody!” Harold said.

“Say sailor!” Beth yelled.

“Sailor!” chorused everyone but Gwen, who said, “Stockholm Syndrome!”

“Dangonnit, how does this work?” Mr. Wayne mumbled, fiddling with Beth’s phone camera. “Oh yes, here it is.” He snapped a picture. “Here ya go, kiddies!”

Beth got up to retrieve her phone. “Thanks so much, Mr. Wayne!”

“No problemo.” Mr. Wayna hobbled back to his desk.

“Do you want me to send it to you guys?” Beth asked, examining the picture.

“Yes please,” said Harold. Courtney also nodded.

“I don’t have a phone, eh,” Ezekiel said.

“No thanks.” Gwen shook her head. “Can I get out of this now?” She tugged at the hem of her skirt.

“If you want.” Beth shrugged. “Or you could start reading Sailor Moon right now!”

“I’ve reread Sailor Moon five and a half times,” Harold interjected.

“Let me finish my current book series and then maybe I’ll think about,” Gwen responded with sarcasm so light only Courtney detected it.

“Well, I think we all deserve stickers for that,” Courtney said, handing out a sticker to each of her fellow club members. “And Beth, I’ll be happy to borrow Sailor Moon.”

“Cool.” Beth grinned. “Ezekiel, do you want it next?”

“Sure, I guess.” Ezekiel shrugged. “As long as the girls have rockin’ outfits like these ones.” He struck a pose in his Sailor Jupiter outfit. Gwen suppress a gag.

After lunch ended, Gwen and Courtney walked to their sixth period classes together.

“You know, that was really cool of you,” Courtney commented, adjusting the straps of her backpack. “Putting on Beth’s costume even though you didn’t want to.”

“Not a big deal.” Gwen shrugged. “I figured if even you were gonna humor her, I might as well play along.

“And what about you, Miss Manga-is-not-literature?” Gwen elbowed Courtney. “Borrowing Sailor Moon from Beth?”

Courtney wrinkled her nose. “Even if it’s not the most _sophisticated_ story out there, Beth looked so enthusiastic. Who would I be to say no?”

“You’d be me,” Gwen pointed out. She and Courtney chuckled.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad?” Courtney pondered. “Besides, I want to see if Beth was telling the truth about Sailor Venus being a natural leader like _me_.”

“She was probably just sucking up to you,” Gwen said pessimistically. Smirking, she added, “But you’re used to that by now.”

Courtney shoved her playfully. “Hey!”


	4. Newspaper

“Hey Gwen!” Cody finger-gunned as he walked past. Plastered on his face was his trademark gap-toothed grin.

Gwen didn’t answer; instead, she turned her back to fact Leshawna, Courtney, and Bridgette instead.

“I thought you and Cody were friends,” Bridgette said, craning her neck to watch Cody disappear around the corner.

“I wouldn’t say friends, exactly.” Gwen put air-quotes around ‘friends’. “Cody’s okay, but this week he’s been doing the creepy macho-guy thing again.”

“This week? It’s only Tuesday!” Courtney pointed out. She was leaning against the brick wall, finishing some last-minute extra credit for history class.

“Exactly.” Gwen rolled her eyes. “I thought he was past that. If I just ignore him, he’ll stop.”

“I wish that worked with Harold.” Leshawna laughed. Using her phone camera as a mirror, she applied a layer of lipstick. “Stringbean is adorably persistent, but sometimes he goes a little too far, you feel me homegirls?’

“Definitely.” Gwen agreed, Bridgette and Courtney nodding with her.

“Speaking of Tuesday,” Courtney said, putting her assignment away, “guess what’s today, Gwen!”

“What?” The realization hit Gwen like a stack of books, and she grimaced. “Oh yeah. Book club.”

Leshawna grinned. “Oh, Courtney, show us again that Sailor whatever photo!”

“Please don’t!” Gwen pleaded. Courtney whipped out her phone and began digging through her camera roll. Gwen sighed. “I can’t _believe_ I consented to that!”

“The manga was cheesy,” Courtney admitted as she held out her phone. Bridgette and Leshawna crowded around Courtney. Amusement flashed in their eyes and laughter spilled from their mouths. Courtney continued, “But it was enjoyable! A nice break from my studies.”

The warning bell chimed, signaling the advent of first period.

“I better get going,” Bridgette said, hoisting her backpack onto her left shoulder. “I need the entire five minutes to get to math class.”

“See you at lunch, Bridgette!” Gwen nodded at her. Bridgette flashed her a peace sign before heading inside. No one offered to accompany her; the three remaining girls were all aware Bridgette walked to math class with Geoff.

“Leshawna, you should come to book club with us,” Courtney said optimistically.

“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll pass.” Leshawna shook her head. “There’s other things I could be doing.”

“I hear you,” Gwen said.

“Just drop out!” Leshawna replied.

“This one would never let me hear the end of it.” Gwen tilted her head in Courtney’s direction. The latter shrugged, neither confirming nor denying the statement.

At lunchtime, Gwen and Courtney met up in front of the library and walked inside together.

“Hello, girls!” Mr. Wayne waved, looking up from stamping returned books.

“Hello!” Courtney waved cordially. Gwen smiled as well. They headed to the usual table where the book club met. Beth and Ezekiel were already waiting for them.

“What’s up, guys?” Beth asked.

“Hey.” Ezekiel flashed them a crooked peace sign.

“I finished Sailor Moon,” Courtney said, down-to-business as usual. She took out the book and handed it to Ezekiel. “I believe you were next, _monsieur_.”

“ _Monsieur_ ,” Gwen repeated dryly.

“Eh, thanks!” Ezekiel grabbed the books, delight plastered over his face. “Looks like a nice read!”

“Where’s Harold?” Gwen asked, sitting down.

Beth shrugged. “In first period he told me that he has a surprise.”

“That can’t be good,” Gwen commented, resting her head on her left hand.

“Maybe he’s bringing more Sailor Moon!” Beth suggested hopefully. “I _also_ have a surprise, but I’m gonna wait until Harold’s here.”

Courtney beckoned Gwen to lean near. Gwen did so, and Courtney whispered, “What if I gave them all surprise stickers?”

“Do whatever you’d like, Courtney,” Gwen answered. Sarcastically, she added, “I would _love_ my very own rainbow unicorn sticker.”

“Rainbow unicorn sticker?” Ezekiel asked.

“Gwen! It was supposed to be a surprise!” Courtney sighed.

“ _Ahem_!” A familiar cough drew the table’s attention.

“Oh, hey Harold.” Courtney rolled her eyes dismissively.

“I have brought some special guests,” Harold announced in his usual nasal voice. He stepped aside to reveal a familiar face and a blonde girl.

“What’s Cody doing here?” Gwen asked Harold, ignoring Cody’s flirtatious wink.

“He’s my assistant, of course.” The blonde girl spoke up, flashing the entire table a bright smile. “Hello everybody, I’m sure you know who I am. Blaineley Stacey Andrews O’Halloran, the chief editor of the Wawanakwa Papers.”

“So you run the school paper,” Courtney deadpanned. “You guys rejected my editorial freshman year!”

“Water under the bridge.” Blaineley’s smile never wavered. “I’m here to interview you guys for the paper. My assistant” -she patted Cody’s head with faux affection- “told me some _juicy_ drama happened when your president quit a few weeks ago! Tell me all the deets!” Blaineley held out her phone, the Voice Memos app open and ready to record their responses.

“It was awful, eh?” Ezekiel said dramatically. He took off his hat and held it close to his heart. “Noah ran out like a wild moose, which I see a lot on my dafarm. He was steamin’ mad, probably at the newbies who showed up.”

“Newbies, eh?” Blaineley brought her phone to her lips. “Sounds like a power imbalance! Do continue!” She held her phone out to Ezekiel once more. Gwen gritted her teeth, Beth furrowed her brow, and Courtney folded her arms indignantly.

“So Noah yelled ‘I hate you uncultured losers’ and bolted out of here. Right when Courtney and Gwen showed up,” elaborated Ezekiel. He pulled a homemade CD out of his backpack. “Noah and I were just discussing my latest rap album. Now _that’s_ cultured! I guess Noah thought that Courtney and Gwen ruined the vibe or something.”

“Zeke!” Beth interrupted. “Excuse me, Blaineley, but could the club talk in private before answering any more questions?” She glared at Ezekiel, who paid no mind to her hostility.

“Yeah! While Beth and Ezekiel talk, you can interview Gwen,” Cody suggested, tugging the hem of Blaineley’s jean jacket.

“Shut up,” Gwen snapped.

“We don’t need to talk to Ezekiel in private, we can say it right now,” Courtney said. She turned to directly face Ezekiel. “All of that was a lie! Not once have you ever mentioned your stupid rap CD during book club!”

“Sure we have!” Ezekiel protested, throwing a nervous glance in Blaineley’s direction. “You’re just not cultured enough to-”

“We haven’t!” Beth confirmed. “Noah wasn’t even mad when he left! The most applicable description would be apathetic!”

“I smell drama.” Blaineley was a shark drawn to blood. Cody, whose gaze remained on Gwen, nodded in concerned agreement.

“You’re lying to the media, Ezekiel! This is how injustice occurs!” Courtney seethed, her cheeks coloring an unattractive shade of pink.

“That’s wrong on so many levels,” Gwen agreed. She glanced to her left. “And Cody, doing this entire ‘interview’ because you have a crush on me? Get a life.”

Blaineley swiveled from Ezekiel to Cody. “A crush? Do tell, Cody!” She grinned keenly.

“What? No!” Cody stammered.

“Oh just leave!” Courtney growled, her grip on her chair tightening. “You’re clearly an amateur reporter! Go interview the kazoo club or something!”

“Better leave before she throws the chair,” Harold advised Blaineley. Instinctively, he raised a hand to cover the faded scar on his right temple.

“Well, this will certainly make for an interesting article.” One by one, Blaineley looked each book club member in the eye. Smiling enigmatically, Blaineley shut off the recording, turned on her heel, and strolled out of the library. Cody scrambled to keep up with her.

For a moment, no one spoke. Courtney silently counted to ten, then relaxed her grip on the chair.

“Petition to kick Zeke out of the club?” she asked. Harold raised his hand as she did. A look of uncertainty flitted across Beth’s face. Gwen was stony-faced as Noah.

“Ah, come on guys!” Ezekiel protested, holding up his hands in defense. “I needed to promote my new music!”

“That’s just stupid,” Courtney snapped.

“Who would ever _want_ to listen to your lame rap?” Gwen said harshly.

“Guys, I think it’s against school policy to kick members out of a club,” Beth piped up in a small voice.

“If Ezekiel doesn’t leave, then I am,” Courtney declared. “This book club has the potential to be an upstanding establishment, but if we continue to have episodes like _that_ , I’m not sure I want to be a part of it. And I’m sure Gwen agrees with me.” Courtney looked to Gwen for support.

“Honestly I just want to end it right here,” Gwen answered plainly.

Beth frowned and traced the pattern of wood grain on the table surface. “We all wanna be famous. Zeke’s just trying to get a head start.”

“One day I’m going to be a famous astrophysicist, or a famous thermodynamicist,” Harold said, standing there awkwardly as per usual.

“I’m not going to become a household name by going to book club,” Courtney pointed out sourly, “and neither will Ezekiel.”

“Well if you have so many good ideas for book club, why don’t _you_ be club president?” Beth suggested, blinking back tears. She took off her glasses and rubbed them on the hem of shirt.

“Okay, I will!” Courtney rubbed her hands together gleefully at the sudden turn of events. “First order of business- Ezekiel is eliminated from the club! Second order of business- the meeting is over for today. We will re-adjourn next week after I draw up the club charter.”

“Club charter,” Gwen repeated under her breath.

“Meet adjourned!” Courtney clapped. She swung her backpack on and grabbed Gwen’s arm. “Come on, we have a charter to write!”

“We?” Gwen balked as they left the library.

* * *

 “Courtney, I’m not in this club. I don’t want to be in your commercial!” Bridgette protested as Courtney slid a book into her hand.

“Bridgette, dear, don’t worry! You’ll look stunning on camera,” assured Topher, the freshman Courtney had assigned camera-duty. “Not as stunning as _moi_ , of course, but pretty damn close.”

“If you say so,” Bridgette responded, fidgeting in her seat.

“As long as _I_ don’t have to be in it,” Gwen remarked, leaning over the plush chair in which Bridgette sat.

“Camera on me!” Courtney announced, strolling into the center of the room.

Topher, who was busy filming himself, ignored her request.

“Hey Marilyn Monroe, go shoot the commercial,” Gwen said, jabbing a thumb in Courtney’s direction.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Pasty!” Topher responded sassily, puckering up for the camera. Nevertheless, a moment later he turned it and aimed at Courtney. “We’re rolling in three, two, one-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! I've finished a draft of Chapter 5, but I want to take a breather and decide in which direction I want this story to go.  
> For future reference: In this AU, the OG cast are seniors (and so is Blaineley for convenience ;P), the ROTI cast are sophomores, and the PI cast are freshmen. Basically everyone is aged down one year from their canon ages at the end of RR.


	5. Commercial

Gwen sat in second period when the morning announcements began, as usual. She slumped in her seat, reading _NOS4A2_ , a horror novel she had discovered over the weekend, no thanks to the book club.

After finishing chapter five, Gwen glanced up at the announcements just in time to see Courtney’s face fill the screen.

“Good morning Wawanakwa, I’m Courtney!” Courtney gave the camera her signature political wave. “You may know me as senior class president. But what you don’t know is that I’m also president of the recently redone Wawanakwa Book Club!”

“I didn’t know book club had a name,” Gwen muttered, smiling wryly as the advertisement transitioned to Bridgette.

“Wow, Courtney, this is such a good book!” Bridgette said loudly, staring directly at the camera as she held up her book.

“At Wawanakwa Book Club, we discuss our _favorite_ books! Everyone has such a fun time here!” The screen panned right, where Topher was laughing with a bunch of his freshman friends.

“This book is almost as incredible as my looks!” Topher held up a Harry Potter book and struck a pose. Gwen sunk lower into her seat; this was Topher’s compensation for shooting the commercial.

The screen flashed back to Courtney, who had placed a sticker on the cover of Bridgette’s book. Courtney beamed. “Who knows who you’ll meet at Wawanakwa Book Club? With such a diverse body of students, you might find yourself sitting next to your new best friend!”

Gwen snickered. She knew what was coming next.

“Get that camera out of my face, freshman,” Leshawna grumbled, pushing Topher away. Static filled the lense.

It cut to a new scene. Gwen stood in front of the school. “I like books, and you should too.” She gave the camera a thumbs-up.

A final scene showed Bridgette once more. “Books!” she enunciated, hugging her book tightly.

“We meet on Tuesdays in the library during lunch!” Courtney said, addressing the camera one final time. “Ciao!”

A new advertisement came on, and Gwen lost interest. She returned to her book.

“Nice commercial, Gwen!” giggled Katie, who sat in Gwen’s desk clump.

“Oh my gosh, it was so cute!” Sadie agreed, high-fiving Katie.

“Thanks.” Gwen didn’t look up from the book.

“Sadie, what if _we_ went to WBC?” Katie suggested, her pigtails bobbing as she bounced in her seat.

“WBC?” Gwen raised an eyebrow, but the best friends ignored her.

“I was just thinking that! We have, like, the same taste in books, so it would be so totally amazing!” Sadie replied, giggling.

“Girl you’re _so_ right,” Katie agreed. She and Sadie leaned across the desks and embraced happily.

Gwen craved death. As she flipped a page, she resolved to attend at least one more meeting of Wawanakwa Book Club. Who knew? Maybe the commercial would attract a more intelligent crowd.

When Gwen arrived at the library after fourth period, Courtney was at the door, handing out stickers.

“You were serious!” Gwen commented as Courtney handed her a sticker that said ‘Let’s read!’ in blue bubble letters.

“I don’t know why you assumed I wasn’t, Gwen,” Courtney responded pleasantly. “Of course I’m greeting all potential members at the door!”

Gwen rolled her eyes and walked inside. She waved to Mr. Wayne and went to the back where the book club usually met. Beth sat at her usual place, a miffed look on her face. Harold sat next to her, flipping through a Dragon Ball Z manga.

There were some new kids, too. Katie and Sadie, true to their word, had arrived and were excitedly browsing the shelves behind Beth and Harold. Popular jock Tyler was sitting on Beth’s left, playing table football with a dark-haired freshman. In the corner huddled a quartet of sophomores: a tall guy, a short guy, and two girls sandwiched between them.

Going against her better instincts, Gwen approached them without hostility. “Hey guys. I’m Gwen. You joining book club?”

“Yeah!” replied one of the girls, who had cardinal red hair that matched her strapless top as well as her bright lipstick. “I’m Zoey, and these are Mike and Cameron.” She nodded to each guy when she said their names. Both were scrawny dweebs, in Gwen’s opinion; the only difference was Mike’s astounding height.

“And _I’m_ Anne Maria!” interrupted the second girl, earning herself an annoyed glance from Zoey. “I’m here for the romance books, okay? Also my boyfriend is buying food from the cafeteria today and _ew,_ am I right? Didn’t want to be be around so much processed food, the chemicals ruin my hair.” She smiled, shook a can of hairspray, and applied it to her thick locks. Zoey, Mike, and Cameron coughed as the spray enveloped them.

“I hope you know what you guys are getting into,” Gwen said, folding her arms. “Because I sure didn’t. I can’t believe I’m still here.”

“I figure we’re mostly going to talk about fiction novels, as opposed to the nonfiction I usually read,” said Cameron, speaking for the first time. His gaze dropped to the floor as soon as Gwen looked at him. “Right?”

Mike chuckled. “What he said. Who doesn’t love reading?”

“Delinquents, probably,” Gwen replied, a particular bibliophobic delinquent coming to mind.

Zoey giggled. “Hey, I love your hair, did you dye it yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” Gwen replied. “My grandma taught me how, actually. She was dying her hair long before I was born. What about you?”

“Same, home dyed.” Zoey tugged at one of her short pigtails. “I’m still working out the kinks of my methods, though.”

“I tried to help her, once,” Mike said. “We both skipped school the next day.” He cringed, remembering the fiasco.

The whole group laughed, except Anne Maria, who was reading a display book while simultaneously applying the hairspray.

Courtney joined the group. “Hello, everyone! Welcome to the first official meeting of Wawanakwa Book Club!” Beth rolled her eyes, but Courtney didn’t see it. “Let’s all form a circle, and we’ll introduce ourselves! There’s certainly a lot of new people today!”

Courtney’s leadership persona never failed to amuse Gwen. Courtney played crowd-pleaser until someone crossed her. And when someone _did_ cross her, someone help the poor soul. Gwen’s money was on Tyler.

Everyone circled the table and introduced themselves. Courtney. Katie. Sadie. Harold. Beth. Tyler. Sky. Dave. DJ. Beardo. Mike. Zoey. Gwen. Cameron. Anne Maria.

“Any questions before we get started?” Courtney asked, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

Dave raised his skinny hand. “Where’s the cute blonde girl from the commercial?’

Courtney frowned. “She’s not in this club. And if that’s the only reason you came, we don’t want you here!” She pointed towards the door. Dave shrugged and walked out.

 _Aw,_ Gwen thought, disappointed. _She didn’t yell at him nearly as loud as I thought she would._

“Anybody else?” Courtney brushed the bangs out of her face. No one spoke. Gwen looked at Beth and Harold from across the circle. Beth’s stare fell to the floor.

“Alright, let’s sit down!” Courtney sat, as did everyone else who had a chair.

A good number of the members remained standing.

Courtney coughed. “Sit down, guys! This is a meeting!”

“There’s no space at the table, Court,” Gwen pointed out.

“No matter, you all can listen from there.” Courtney waved the problem away. Zoey shifted her weight, and accidentally brushed against Gwen’s arm.

Courtney began to explain her sticker system: Contributing to discussion about books would earn you a sticker. Stickers could be cashed in for prizes, like pizza.

“Oh yeah, ten stickers and I get entire pizza? Sign me up,” Gwen whispered sarcastically to Zoey. Zoey giggled, just soft enough to avoid Courtney’s death glare.

“I’ll reveal your assignment at the end of the meeting,” Courtney said. She pulled out a document. “Here’s the member code of conduct. Take one and pass.”

Gwen didn’t bother taking a copy when Anne Maria handed the stack to her. She had been on FaceTime with Courtney during the entire revision process. If asked, Gwen could recite the entire thing backwards and forwards.

“‘Rule number one,’” Courtney read from the sheet. “‘Members of Wawanakwa Book Club, hereafter referred to as members, must arrive on time to the meetings.’”

Almost immediately after Courtney finished speaking, someone cried out: “ _Sorry I’m late_!”

An Asian girl strolled through the library, her stylish boots clicking on the floor. Behind her, she dragged a very disgruntled—and very familiar—nerd.

Courtney grumbled. “We _just_ began going over the rules.”

“I was just looking for someone,” the girl explained. “And I found him!” She raised her arm, taking Noah’s with her.

“Noah’s back, huh?” Gwen smirked. A pleased smile fell across Beth’s face. Harold nodded thoughtfully, no doubt analyzing this turn of events.

“That’s Kitty,” Zoey explained to Gwen, not bothering to whisper. “She’s in my English class.”

“Can you please quiet down?” Courtney demanded. “I’m trying to read over the rules!”

“Shutting up now.” Gwen shut up. Kitty waved at Zoey from across the circle; Zoey waved back.

“Now that we’re all here, let’s continue reading the rules. ‘Number two. Members must respect each other and always tell the truth...’”

While Courtney listed the rules, Gwen’s mind wandered. It dawned on her that she hadn’t seen Ezekiel since last Tuesday. Maybe Courtney had gotten him. Some mysteries weren’t meant to be solved.

When Courtney was finished outlining the rules, she clapped. “Okay, everybody! Time to announce next week’s book! You should read and finish it by next Tuesday so you can be prepared for discussion!”

“It’s a classic,” Gwen whispered to Zoey.

“You’ll be reading a timeless classic, _The Outsiders_!” Courtney announced.

“Told you,” Gwen said.

Some of the kids groaned. Tyler scratched his head in confusion.

“What if we’ve already read it?” Beth asked, raising her hand.

“Then read it again!” Courtney said. “You might want to go over some parts in order to get stickers!”

“She has a point,” Harold reasoned. “Courtney, do you have ninja stickers by any chance?” Courtney swatted him with her pamphlet.

After Courtney reiterated certain rules (Homeschoolers are _not_ allowed, rule #12), the meeting disbanded.

Gwen strolled over to Noah and elbowed him. “How’s it feel to be back, huh?”

Noah glared daggers at her. “Like a bad dream.”

“Emma’s coming over for dinner on Saturday!” Kitty sang as she scrolled through her phone. “What would she say if she found out you quit the club?”

“Probably nothing,” Noah muttered.

“Oh, does Noah like your sister?” Gwen asked, putting a hand on her hip.

“Nope. Emma and I are just friends,” Noah replied, rolling his eyes. “Met her in book club freshman year, which is why Kitty’s dragged me back.”

“You’re so welcome!” Kitty giggled as she sent a snap on her phone.

Noah asked Gwen, “Hey, have you read _The Outsiders_ before?”

Unfazed by the sudden topic change, Gwen answered, “Nope.”

“Johnny dies at the end,” Noah informed her smugly. Kitty whacked the back of his head, causing Noah to fall over.

On the other side of the room, Zoey looked up _The Outsiders_ on her phone. “Oh, cool! It’s about these kids who don’t fit in with society.”

“Don’t spoil it for yourself, Zoey!” Cameron exclaimed, adjusting his round glasses. “I’ve made that mistake too many times.” He shuddered.

“Let’s go ask Mr. Wayne for some copies,” Mike said, wringing the hem of his turquoise shirt anxiously. “I need to start this book before any distractions present themselves.”

Zoey and Cameron nodded in understanding. Mike looked at the fourth member of their group. “Are you coming, Anne Maria?”

“Yeah yeah, give me a minute,” Anne Maria replied breezily. She bent down to pluck a book from the bottom shelf, but several extra books fell out as well. “Lemme just pick these up!”

“Let’s give her an hour,” Zoey muttered as they left to go request the books. As Zoey passed, Gwen tapped her shoulder.

“Hey, you mentioned that you were still getting the hang of dying your hair?” Gwen asked.

“Yep.” Zoey nodded.

“I can help you, if you want.” Gwen offered a genuine smile and a service.

“That would be great, thank you!” Zoey beamed. “I’ll see you around, Gwen.”

“Yeah, see you!” Gwen waved as Zoey strolled off to Mr. Wayne’s desk.

“Hey, how come you’re never that cheerful with me?” Courtney complained, sidling up next to Gwen.

“We have Bridgette and Leshawna to be cheerful,” Gwen replied, purposefully masking her smile. “Courtney?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have the first sticker?”


	6. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wawanakwa Book Club has an impact on three different afternoons.

 

Katie and Sadie were sprawled on the former’s pink polka-dot bedspread, eyes glued to the flatscreen on the other side of the room. Sadie lay on her stomach, head in her arms. Katie propped her head up with hand, and tossed popcorn into her mouth with the other.

“Katie, don’t you think Sodapop is _so_ cute?” Sadie asked, kicking her legs lazily.

“Definitely!” Katie nodded vigorously. Both girls sighed with delight when Sodapop reappeared on scream.

“So, like, this is the exact same thing as the book, right?” Sadie said.

“I hope so.” Katie shrugged, frowning slightly. “I’d rather watch the movie than read the book.”

“OMG same!” Sadie responded. Sodapop showed up again, and the girls giggled.

“ _Mom_!” Katie hollered. “Can you get us some soda, please?”

“Specifically soda _pop_!” Sadie added, exchanging a gleeful glance with her best friend.

“Of course, girls!” Katie’s mom responded from the kitchen.

The girls broke into giggles.

“So if me and Sodapop got married, my full name would be Katie Curtis,” Katie pointed out. “Isn’t that super cute?”

“Yeah, but Sodapop and _me_ are getting married,” Sadie replied breezily. “So I’d be Sadie Curtis. Sorry, Katie.”

“Why can’t we just share him?” Katie pondered. “We share everything else!”

“‘Cause that’s illegal, obvs,” Sadie said.

Katie’s mother waltzed in, bringing with her two Cokes and another bag of popcorn.

“Thank you!” Katie and Sadie said in unison.

“Ugh, why does it have to be illegal?” Katie complained before taking a sip of her coke.

“Girl, I know. I’d totally share Sodapop with you, if I could,” Sadie responded.

“Or we could move to like, Egypt or something. Then we could both marry Sodapop!” Katie perked up. “Pause the movie!” She whipped out her phone to start the research.

“Oooh! What does it say?” Sadie asked, peering over Katie’s shoulder.

“Here’s an entire list of countries where polygamy is legal!” Katie scrolled through it. “Egypt’s one of them!”

“I bet it’s _gorgeous_ this time of year,” Sadie said. “We could visit the pyramids!”

“We could _live_ in the pyramids!” Katie answered. “Ohmygosh, this is probably the best idea you’ve ever had!”

“No, the best idea _you’ve_ ever had!” Sadie responded eagerly.

“We totally have to research Egypt if we’re gonna move there,” Katie said, pulling up a new browser tab.

“Don’t they worship, like, scarabs?” Sadie asked. “Wait, let’s use your computer, since it has a bigger screen.”

The girls slid off the couch and sat down at Katie’s white desk. Two wicker chairs sat in front of the computer screen; since Sadie was over so often, Katie’s parents had pounced on the two-for-one deal.

“Everything you need to know about Egypt.” Katie typed each word as she spoke, then hit the enter key.

Sadie giggled. “Click the first link! No, that’s an ad! Yeah, that one.”

Noah leaned in needlessly close to the computer screen. His avatar was pulsing red, signaling his HP was near depleted.

“Kitty!” he yelled into his headset. “Can you cover me for a minute while I self-heal?”

“I’ve been covering your butt since the match began!” Kitty’s giggly response crackled through the hand-me-down sound system. “Don’t sweat it, Noah!”

Noah left clicked, allowing his avatar to bandage itself. The 5-second timer was almost over when Kitty hollered: “Cody wants to join the party!”

“We’re kind of busy,” Noah answered as his avatar pulled out a gun and shot an advancing zombie.

“Too late!” A beep signaled Cody’s arrival.

“Hey guys, what’s shakin’? What are you playin’?”

“Dragon Lair 5,” Noah answered, shooting down another zombie. It was a misleading title, considering Dragon Lair 5 had more zombies than dragons.

“Cool! What level? I only started a week ago, so I’m only on level 60.” Though Cody wasn’t visible, Noah could picture the smug grin on his pasty face.

“We’re almost to the boss on level 80,” Kitty explained. Her avatar drop-kicked several goblins from the new wave that was advancing towards them. One swiped at Noah once more, and his heath dropped back another ten HP.

“Once you guys beat the level, can I hop on?”

“We’re playing doubles,” Noah responded sourly.

“Come on, Noah, a third player would be _mucho gusto_!” Kitty tittered.

Noah rolled his eyes and chose not to comment on Kitty’s questionable Spanish. “Eh.”

“Cody, you know what else you should join?” Kitty turned her attention to Cody when she realized Noah was a lost cause.

“What?” Cody asked. “As long as it’s not another one of your crazy Discord servers, I’m game.”

“Book Club!” Kitty cheered. A loud _clang!_ filled Noah’s headset, followed by Kitty’s distressed “Oops!”

“Eh, it’s not that fun,” Noah said. Ever since the unspeakable Big Sleep camping trip of 9th grade, Noah did his best to avoid Cody. This objective was compromised by their mutual friendship with Kitty. Kitty, bless her soul, remained oblivious, and continued to invite the boys to hang together.

“Blaineley and I did an article about the club,” Cody said through the mic. “It’s going out in the next issue of the Wawanakwa Papers. I didn’t know you were in the book club, Kitty.”

“I just joined,” Kitty responded lightly. “OMG, Noah look out for those blue goblins!”

“Ack!” Noah groaned as his avatar failed to wound the advancing wave. “I’m almost down, Kit!”

“I’ll save you, Noah!” Kitty screamed theatrically. Noah winced; her volume had definitely surpassed 100 decibels.

Before Kitty’s avatar reached him, Noah kicked the bucket.

“Aw, man!” Kitty cried. “We were so close!”

“What happened? Did you die?” Cody asked, blind to the events that had just transpired.

“Yes,” Noah affirmed. He leaned back in his seat. “I think that was one of our best games.”

Kitty ignored the sarcasm dripping from his voice. “We’ll do it better next time, Noah.”

As if on cue, an incoming Skype call made itself present on Noah’s monitor. Noah smirked fondly.

“Actually I just got a call,” he said, closing the Dragon Lair tab. “You and Cody can play without me, though.”

“A call? From whom?” Kitty snickered.

“Your mom,” Noah answered, which really wasn’t far off from the truth.

“If you say so!” Kitty said. “See ya, Noah!”

“Bye, Kit.” Noah disconnected from the party and accepted the Skype call.

“Hey Noah!” Emma flashed him a 240p smile. “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” Noah answered. He kicked back and grinned at his friend. “Just lost a game of Dragon Lair with your sister.”

Emma snorted. “Why am I not surprised?” Her gaze shifted to something in the distance.

Noah cocked his head. “Are you driving?”

“Driving back for dinner with the fam,” Emma explained.

“Oh yeah, Kitty mentioned that,” Noah said. He adjusted his headset before leaning forward and opening the window. A ray of afternoon light streamed into his bedroom; Noah did his best not to recoil.

“Kitty mentioned to _me_ that she dragged you back to the book club.” Emma raised an eyebrow. “So you’re not the president anymore.”

“I wasn’t a good president anyways.” Noah brushed away the statement. “I know it was your pet project and all, but Emma, trust me. It sucks now.”

Emma smiled sympathetically. “Fair enough. I couldn’t expect you to take over once I left. It’s just a silly high school club. Who’s the president now?”

Noah’s expression darkened. “Courtney.”

“Oh.” Emma winced in recognition. “That Courtney?”

“That Courtney,” Noah confirmed.

“You should take back the club from her,” Emma declared suddenly, a familiar edge of competitiveness seeping into her voice. “Show her who’s boss!”

“Pass.” Noah closed his eyes, disinterested in any ideas about revenge.

“Are you sure?” Emma prompted. “I could write you a killer speech. She wants to be a lawyer, right? She doesn’t have _nothin’_ on me!”

“I’m sure you have enough writing to do as it is,” Noah replied, opening one eye. Emma was focused on the road ahead.

“Well, you can’t just allow the book club to fall into the hands of Courtney,” Emma said. “That means she’s beaten you twice now!”

“I’m not the vengeful type,” Noah replied. “Too lazy. Petty insults are more my style.”

“True, true.” Emma nodded. “So, do you want to hear about an example case I’ve been working on?”

“Sure,” Noah said. Emma began detailing the case. While he listened, Noah’s gaze roamed the bookshelf mounted above his desk. _The Outsiders_ lay at the very end, dustier than the rest of the collection.

Noah considered retrieving it from the shelf, but that would have taken effort.

“And _done_.” Gwen shut her math textbook and shoved it off her desk. Well, that was the last of the weekend’s homework. She packed away the worksheet into her black backpack, sat back, and turned up the punk music that was blasting in her headphones.

“Nah nah nananana nah nah.” Gwen tapped her pencil in time to the music. Now that her homework was done, she had the rest of the evening to herself.

Gwen lay down on her bed and opened up Instagram. Mainstream social media came in handy, sometimes- like when she had posted promo art for Terror! at the Nightclub and won tickets to see them as a result. Or stalking (hyperbolically, obviously) uber-cute Trent after they met sophomore year. Or like now, when Gwen typed “Zoey” into the search bar.

The first result that came up was the one that Gwen was looking for: Z_z_zoey. It was a private account that had garnered only ninety followers.

 _Make that ninety-one_ , Gwen thought as she pressed ‘follow.’

The immediate follow-back caught Gwen off-guard. After accepting, Gwen slid left and opened up a new DM with Zoey.

G: _Didn’t expect to see you on here._

Z: _I could say the same about you. Mostly I just upload pics of my cacti and stuff. Nbd._

G: _Lmao same. My friends made me download. I don’t follow anyone I don’t know personally. Not about the likes lol._

Z: _So are you saying you know /me/ personally?_

G: _Nah, but you’re cool. Even if I only just met you._

Z: _Yeah. I mentioned I dig your hair, right? :)_

G: _Yup, thanks._

Z: _Np. What music are you into?_

G: _Little bit of this, little bit of that. I’m listening to TatN rn._

Z: _Too mainstream for me._

G: _TOO mainstream? I listen to them because they’re NOT mainstream. Wtf is your definition of mainstream then?_

Z: _Hahaha you can’t deny they’ve gotten much more popular recently. XD Mostly I just try to avoid songs that get on the radio._

G: _Fair enough._

Z: _Have you read The Outsiders yet?_

G: _Yeah, I finished last night. Then did some sketches based off the scenes._

Z: _Let me see!!!_

Smiling slightly, Gwen grabbed her sketchbook and flipped to the most recent page, where she had doodled the brawl between the Socs and the Greasers. She snapped a pic and sent it to Zoey.

G: _Mostly I picked this since the poses are rlly complex. Need to work on anatomy. #artistproblems_

Z: _So pretty!!! You’re a great artist Gwen._

G: _Thanks dude._

The door to Gwen’s room swung open, and in marched her little brother Max.

“Hey buttcheek, Mom says to come down for dinner!” Max announced extra-loudly, noting Gwen’s headphones.

“I’ll be right there, loser!” Gwen yelled back, flipping him off amicably. He stuck his tongue out and flounced away.

Z: _Are you gonna be a professional artist?_

G: _I just got called down to dinner, I’ll talk to you later._

G: _Short answer: IDK._

Gwen set down her phone. Before going downstairs, she pulled out her favorite tin of colored pencils and set it down next to the sketch. Gwen smiled slightly, imagining the work she had ahead of her, then trotted downstairs to dinner.


	7. The Outsiders

“Hey, Gwen! Check off your name here!” Courtney held out a sheet of paper printed with the names of all Wawanakwa Book Club members.

“Awesome,” Gwen replied dryly. She checked off her name and walked to the meeting area.

“Hey Gwen,” Beth said when Gwen sat down beside her.

“Greetings, fellow life form.” Harold gave Gwen a Vulcan salute. Gwen pretended he didn’t exist.

“Did you guys read the book?” Gwen asked, pulling her sketchbook out of her bag.

“Of course I read the book,” Beth replied forcefully, her arms folded and eyebrows furrowed. “ _The Outsiders_ is one of my all-time favorites!”

“You know you don’t have to come to these meetings if you don’t want to,” Gwen pointed out. _Especially after Courtney took over your position._

“You’re one to talk, Gwen. Anyone can see you hate it here most of all,” Beth replied.

“Whatever.” Gwen rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, Harold was humming to himself. Other kids filtered into the meeting, but Gwen ignored them.

“Did Harold get weirder since the last time I saw him?” Gwen said. She snapped her fingers. “Hey! Stop humming!”

“He’s just on an alien kick,” Beth explained, lightly slapping Harold’s wrist. Harold stopped humming.

“Sorry, guys,” said he. “I was testing to see if I could communicate on the same wavelength as the extraterrestrials.”

“Oh brother,” Gwen said darkly.

Katie and Sadie plopped down beside Gwen, talking faster than wind-up dolls.

“So I told Justin, ‘Sorry, but after tonight _you’ll_ be looking like a pineapple!’” Katie’s voice rose an octave on ‘pineapple’. The girls dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“Don’t ever let him live that down!” Sadie struggled to talk, she was laughing too hard.

“Hey guys! What’s with the new outfits?” Beth asked, pointing to the aforementioned outfits. “Those shorts are _so_ chic!”

Katie and Sadie’s outfits were once again identical: gold pendants, white tank tops, belts, khakis, and boots.

“Aw, thanks!” Katie gushed, reaching across the table and squeezing Beth’s hand. Gwen gagged.

“We’re going to like, immigrate to Egypt,” Sadie explained. “Yesterday Katie and I went to the mall so we could _look_ the part!”

“Do I even want to know why you’re moving to Egypt?” Gwen muttered.

“So we can marry Sodapop!” Katie and Sadie chorused, hugging each other.

Gwen blinked once. Twice. “Sodapop from the book we just read? The fictional character?”

“Yep!” Sadie confirmed, nodding enthusiastically. “We decided to share him!”

“And polygamy is legal in Egypt!”

Gwen drummed her fingers on the table. “No comment.”

“Hi Gwen!” Zoey waved as she passed by. Cameron and Mike greeted Gwen, too.

“Hey guys.” Gwen nodded.

Beth coughed. Gwen turned her attention back to the brunette.

“I wrote a four page essay analyzing the character of Dallas,” Beth explained, holding up a stapled paper. “My plan is to do _so_ well during the discussion that Courtney has no choice but to give me all the stickers!”

“So I don’t have to talk at all? Fair trade,” Gwen said.

Harold leaned over. “What do you expect to gain from that?” He adjusted his grease-covered glasses.

“Stickers, obviously!” Beth answered, rolling her eyes.

“Hello, fellow social rejects.” Noah sidled up next to Harold. As always, his mouth was set in a straight line and his dark eyes glimmered with disinterest.

“I’m not a _reject_ ,” Gwen clarified. “I actively choose to defy mainstream social expectations.”

“Nor am I a reject,” Harold agreed. He held up a yo-yo. “For my mad skills catapult me to the top of the social ladder.”

“Um, yeah,” Beth agreed hesitantly. Gwen and Noah rolled their eyes.

Kitty, having appeared from the ether, snapped a picture. “Aw, so cute you guys!”

“What do you think _you’re_ doing?” Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Courtney said I could take pics for the WBC Instagram!” Kitty explained, a goofy grin spread across her face. “Anyone up for a selfie?”

“No,” said Gwen and Noah while Harold and Beth yelled, “Yes!”

Kitty snapped a picture with the latter two, then Courtney walked over.

“Wawanakwa Book Club is now called to order!” she announced. She held the sign-in sheet in her right hand and a sticker sheet in her left. “Let’s all gather ‘round so we can start the discussion!”

Courtney sat down, and immediately an obnoxious _Pfffft_ filled the room.

For a moment, no one spoke. Courtney’s face flushed a bright red.

“Courtney! That was Beardo!” Freshman Sky wasted no time in pointing out the culprit: Beardo, a scruffy kid in suspenders and a grease covered t-shirt. Beardo blew a raspberry at Sky.

“No more interruptions!” Courtney hollered, glaring at Beardo. Beardo _zpppped_ his lips _._ Gwen gave Courtney an uncharacteristically cheerful smile. “You got this!” she mouthed. Next to her, Beth pursed her lips.

Courtney laid out the stickers in front of her. “Yes, well, let’s get started. You all had a week to read _The Outsiders_.”

“And it was _soooo_ good!” Sadie squealed.

“I liked it,” Sky piped up. Mike and Cameron nodded in agreement.

“Uh, I thought the fight scene was cool!” Tyler shrugged. “I stopped reading after that. Sorry, Courtney.”

“Rule number five was ‘ _Don’t interrupt the president_ ,’” Courtney quipped, quirking an eyebrow in annoyance. “But I’ll let it slide, because I’m glad you all enjoyed the book!” She passed a sticker to Tyler and Sadie. “Does anyone have specifics they’d like to share?”

Zoey raised her hand, and Courtney gave a nod of approval.

“I could relate to Ponyboy,” Zoey said. “We are both societal outcasts. Except my friends haven’t died.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Snowflake.”

Courtney motioned Zoey over so that the latter could receive a sticker. “Thanks for the input!”

“Gwen, show her your art,” Zoey whispered.

“You drew art, Gwen?” Courtney’s interest was piqued.

Gwen shrugged and hunched over the table defensively. “I don’t usually let strangers see my sketchbook.”

“I totally wanna see this!” Kitty squeaked cheerfully. “I love art! And books!”

“Did you draw Sodapop?” Katie asked. “I _love_ Sodapop!”

“I know you love Sodapop,” Gwen answered wearily.

“I’ll give you _two_ stickers if you show us, Gwen!” Courtney said, holding up the sticker sheet.

Gwen pursed her lips. “Fine. Whatever.” She flipped through the thick sketchbook. Near the very end, she stopped and laid the book flat so everyone could oogle over her artwork.

“I admire your artistic talent,” Harold said, breathing heavily.

“Nice work, Gwen!” Cameron adjusted her glasses as he peered at her art. “You have quite a knack for anatomy!”

“Thanks.” Gwen gave him a small smile. She was still shaky about revealing an intimate part of herself to a bunch of strangers, but it was hard not to be flattered by the praise.

“Two stickers for Gwen!” Courtney declared. She peeled off two apple stickers, one green and one red, and stuck it directly onto the page.

Gwen’s smile vanished. “Did you really have to put the sticker on the page?”

“I’m sure you can take it off.” Courtney shrugged. “Okay! Anybody else have anything to say before the structured part of our discussion?”

“I wrote a character analysis!” Beth yelled, waving her papers in the air. “Can I read it?”

Courtney audibly sighed. “Fine.”

“Okay!” Beth grinned. Beside her, Harold smiled ominously. Even Gwen cracked a smirk.

Beth stood up and cleared her throat. “The following essay is a scene-by-scene breakdown of the character of Dallas Curtis, a character in S. E. Hinton’s novel _The Outsiders._ We first meet Dallas…”

Fifteen minutes in, Courtney whispered, “This is a filibuster.”

“This isn’t government class,” Gwen answered sourly.

Beth continued speaking. Cameron was the only one who looked enthused about her rant. Tyler stood up and walked out. Beth didn’t even look up at the squeaking of his chair.

“Okay! I think that’s earned you _more_ than enough stickers, Beth!” Courtney exclaimed loudly. She threw an entire sticker sheet at Beth.

“Thank you, Courtney!” Beth flashed her a shark grin, then sat down.

“My legs hurt _so bad_ ,” Beth whispered to Harold. Courtney was oblivious to the exchange, but Gwen heard and rolled her eyes.

“Courtney, this book has, like, _totally_ changed my life,” Katie said before Courtney could begin her dissection of the story structure.

“Yeah,” Sadie agreed. “I have to freaking change religions so I can marry Sodapop.”

 _Hallelujah, Hallelujah!_ Beardo’s imitation of a Christian choral group was impressive.

“Not all of us are Catholic, Beardo,” Courtney said, rolling her eyes.

Beardo shrugged innocently.

Courtney began to talk, but Mr. Wayne strolled over, a stack of books in his wrinkly hands.

“Hey kids!” he said cheerfully, nodding in Courtney’s and Noah’s directions. “Lunch will be over in three minutes, just to give you a heads up.”

“Three minutes?” Courtney’s jaw dropped. “We literally _just_ got started!”

“It’s whatever, Courtney,” Gwen said. She placed a calming hand on Courtney’s shoulder. “We’ll finish the discussion next week.”

“That ruins the entire schedule!” Courtney replied.

“Oh really? That’s unfortunate,” Noah remarked, rolling his eyes.

“Why did you have to take so long reading, Beth?” Courtney demanded.

“Sorry, Courtney! I just _really_ wanted those stickers!” Beth replied, sucking up as only she knew how.

“Courtney I have the _best_ idea!” Kitty yelled. “If I write fanfiction, can I read it aloud to the book club?”

“This isn’t for _fanfic-”_

“Can you do Sodapop x reader fanfiction?” Zoey called.

“Of course!” Kitty responded. “Text me any requests!” She waved her phone in the air.

“No! No fanfiction! Do that on your own time!” Courtney said.

 _Brrrrring_!

“Beardo, I’ve had _enough_ of your wacky sounds!” Courtney put her hands on her hips.

Beardo piped up, “That wasn’t me.”

“Sixth period biology, here I come!” Sky stood up, followed by Beardo.

“You guys can’t leave! I haven’t assigned the next book!” Courtney protested as Mike and Cameron walked by.

“See ya later, Gwen!” Zoey waved.

“See ya.” Gwen nodded.

“You guys are ruining this club,” Courtney griped.

“You ruined it yourself,” Noah commented sourly before walking out with Kitty in tow.

“Courtney, you need to take it down a couple notches,” Gwen said. “It’s cool that you like books and all, but it’s really not that big a deal.”

Courtney rolled her eyes. “These people just don’t realize how much work I put into this!”

“You could quit and we could both stop coming,” Gwen suggested sourly, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Quitting is a sign of _weakness_!” Courtney declared melodramatically. “I won’t let them break me!”

“Whatever you say.” A sigh escaped Gwen’s lips. It was useless to argue at this point. She waved farewell to Mr. Wayne and left the library.


	8. Newspaper (Part Two)

Beth stuck a pin in Ezekiel’s side.

“Ouch!” Ezekiel yelped, clutching his side in dismay.

“Don’t be a baby!” Beth scolded him. She stuck in a second pin, this time not poking Zeke.

“Nice craftsmanship,” Harold noted. He was meditating on the floor of Beth’s room. In front of him was an array of Sailor Moon comics, posters, and diagrams.

“Why can’t Harold do this?” Ezekiel pouted. “I don’t even wear tuxedos usually!”

“Because I have no interest in being Tuxedo Mask when I could be someone better,” Harold said solemnly. “Beth, you missed a stitch right there.”

“Oh, really? Thanks, Harold.” Beth inserted the stitch.

Suddenly, Beth’s phone buzzed with a notification.

“Harold, can you see if that’s Brady?” Beth asked as she stitched up the sides of Ezekiel’s costume.

“Sure.” Harold leaned over and swiped the phone of Beth’s bed.

“A new issue of the Wawanakwa Papers was released,” Harold informed Beth. “You’re subscribed to the school paper? But that thing is full of Blaineley’s fake news.”

“It’s not _that_ bad, Harold,” Beth shot back. “Lots of people read the newspaper.” She left Zeke’s side to open the app. Zeke immediately started scratching his side like a rabid animal.

“Guys, Cody and Blaineley posted their article about the book club.” Beth frowned and clicked on the link to the full article. Harold scooted over to read over her shoulder.

“Tell me what it says, eh,” Zeke requested. “Does it mention my rap album?”

“I’ll just read it for you guys,” Beth said.

Book Club Turns Into Book Brawl!

An editorial by Blaineley Stacey Andrews O’Halloran

_A few weeks ago I received a tip that Wawanakwa High’s book club was full of juicy juicy drama. My assistant, Cody Anderson, and I had to investigate, so we attended one of the meetings to get a feel for the club._

_We were immediately greeted by a hoard of ostracized social losers. Tensions were running high. According to one source, former club president Noah called newcomers Gwen and Courtney “uncultured losers” in a fit of rage before quitting the club. Readers might remember Noah and Courtney’s battle for senior class president at the beginning of the year. Ouch! It appears things still haven’t gotten better between the two. And to insult Courtney and Gwen to their faces? This reporter wonders how little respect Noah has for his classmates._

_Courtney immediately butted heads with vice-president Beth, Noah’s socially awkward second in command. Courtney has been known to portray violent tendencies, even throwing a chair at fellow club member Harold. Gwen spit venom at Cody, telling him to “get a life” and crushing his puppy crush dreams. Our readers must sympathize with poor Cody!_

_Aside from a poor choice of subject matter, the WHS book club hosts obscenities such as homespun mixtapes and cosplay. Anyone who hopes to be cool at this school will overlook this pitiful club and leave them to their own tragedies._

At the very bottom, Blaineley had included the picture of the book club in their Sailor Moon cosplays.

“Wow.” Beth shut off her phone. “I’m speechless! That was awful! That was-”

“Libel and slander?” Harold supplied, stroking his chin hair thoughtfully. “Careful. You’re starting to sound like Courtney.”

“At least they mentioned you, eh?” Ezekiel hollered. “Blaineley and Cody didn’t mention my mixtape at all! That was the entire point of the interview!”

“They can’t rake our names through the mud!” Beth protested. “How did this editorial even get past the school staff?”

“Don’t underestimate Blaineley.” Harold said. “Aside from the fact that the staff at Wawanakwa is utterly incompetent, she probably waited until the last minute to slip this into the final draft. _Gosh_. She’s good.”

Beth’s phone buzzed, and she grabbed it. A text from Noah was displayed on the lock screen. He had typed only one word: _Wtf._

“I’m calling Noah, guys,” Beth declared, unlocking her phone and hitting the call button.

Harold urged, “Put it on speaker!” Beth complied. At the same time, Noah picked up.

“Hi, Noah,” Beth said, setting the phone down in the center of the room.

Noah was curt: “You know why I’m calling. Owen just showed me that BS article. What gives?” His fury radiated out of the phone in waves.

“It was all Blaineley and Cody,” Beth protested. “We never mentioned half the stuff in the article!”

“It was Ezekiel, wasn’t it?” said a deadpan Noah.

“...”

“Right. Is he with you now?”

“Um...”

“Beth, is this on speaker?”

“Possibly...”

Noah heaved an angry sigh. “Is Harold there?”

“Hello, Noah,” said Harold, defeated.

“Of course he is. Anyways, that article made me look bad, but I’m not going to wring Zeke’s neck because I’m too lazy to get up out of my chair.”

“Thanks, Noah,” Ezekiel said, pulling at the hem of his tuxedo cosplay.

“Shut up, Igor,” Noah snapped.

“I thought you didn’t really care about what people think about you?” Beth pushed timedly.

“Not usually. But I refuse to let some wannabe pimp reporter claim I’m a sore loser.”

Beth asked, “What are you gonna do about it?”

“I’ll leave you guys to figure that out. Get Blaineley expelled or something, I don’t care. I’m working on a separate project, the details of which you don’t need to know.”

“I shall destroy Blaineley with the art of jiu jitsu,” Harold declared. He stood up and bowed peacefully to Beth.

Noah hung up without saying goodbye.

“We could bribe Cody into quitting,” Beth suggested. “Or Harold could hack the website and post some unflattering pictures of Blaineley.”

“Leave it all to me,” Harold pleaded. “I didn’t pay 49.99 per session for twelve weeks of jiu jitsu to _not_ use it on those deserving of my wrath.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a nerd? Why not just hack the website?” Beth reiterated her previous suggestion.

“You’re more subsumed under ‘nerd’ than I am,” Harold scoffed.

“What? No I’m not. I’m the sweet girl with tons of friends!” Beth batted her eyelashes.

“Whatever lets you sleep at night. _Gosh_.” Harold coughed into his elbow. “I will hack the Wawanakwa Papers to elicit fear in Blaineley’s shriveled heart. Then I will destroy her with jiu jitsu.”

“I wanna see some kung fu, eh,” Ezekiel said, one hand up his favorite nostril.

“Don’t you _dare_ pick your nose in my room!” Beth hollered. “Go to the bathroom!” She smacked his harm.

“Sheesh, Beth I thought we were friends,” Ezekiel commented, strolling out of Beth’s bedroom.

Harold was typing on his phone. “I have obtained the password. Now I shall wreak havoc on Blaineley’s life.”

“Nice work, Harold,” Beth said, a smile appearing on her face. “Show me when you’re done.”

* * *

 

Courtney’s smoothie social had been interrupted by a very unpleasant text message. She and her friends—Bridgette, Gwen, and Leshawna—were chilling their favorite smoothie kiosk in the local mall when her phone buzzed with an incoming text. Further inspection revealed the sender to be Duncan, who had sent a link captioned “ _Next time you hit Harold with a chair, can you do it a little bit harder? ;)_ ”

When Courtney pressed the link, her mouth dropped in rage.

“What is this?” Courtney seethed, shoving her phone screen into her friends’ faces.

“It’s Cody and Blaineley,” Gwen muttered, skimming the article. “I can’t believe Blaineley’s turning _me_ into the enemy here. Cody’s the pathetic shrimp who keeps hitting on me.”

Ever the optimist, Bridgette suggested, “Maybe people won’t read it?”

“Girl, lemme see!” Leshawna demanded. Courtney adjusted the screen angle so Leshawna could also read. When she finished, Leshawna snarled, “That entire thing is a stinkin’ pile of garbage! Don’t worry about it, homegirls.”

“I don’t even care what people think of me.” Gwen took a sip of her blue raspberry smoothie. “Whatever.”

“Well _I_ do,” Courtney declared. “I have half the mind to _sue_ Blaineley for libel!”

“Hang on, the app just crashed,” Bridgette pointed out. “Reload it so you can take screenshots.”

Courtney did so, but a frown crossed her freckled face. “It’s not there anymore. Maybe someone took it down.”

“Good,” Gwen said.

“I thought you didn’t care what people think about you?” Bridgette nudged Gwen playfully.

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Good for Courtney, I mean.”

Courtney clicked on the front page. “I would’ve liked to get Blaineley expelled for this, but I can’t do so without evidence…” Her train of thought derailed when a familiar sentence caught her eye. “Wait, girls, look at this poem!”

“‘Her Real Name Isn’t Blaineley,’” Bridgette recited. Recognition lit up her green eyes. “Guys! Geoff wrote this last year when Blaineley was harassing me!”

“No way, I remember that poem!” Gwen giggled. “I had it saved on my phone for weeks. How’d it get on the Blaineley-run newspaper?”

“Who cares?” Leshawna hooted with laughter. “It’s hilarious! I always lose it at the part about double flushing.” Her laughter infected the others, and soon they were all guffawing at the poetic masterpiece.

* * *

 

Beth couldn’t stop her giggles. “Where’d you even get that poem?”

“Geoff texted it to me last year,” Harold explained as he adjusted the font size. “Now anyone who comes onto this website will learn how despicable Blaineley is.”

“And the best part is she’ll never know it was you!” Beth added, leaning over Harold’s shoulder to read the last lines of the poem.

“I have the element of surprise,” Harold reasoned. “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

Ezekiel waddled into the room. “Can you finish my pants soon? I might’ve ripped the seam.”

Beth sighed. “Yeah, come over here, Zeke.”

“A good cosplay is worth the effort,” Harold commented sagely.

“You’re right, Harold.”

“A quote directly from American president Abraham Lincoln,” Harold added.

“You’re wrong, Harold.”


End file.
